How to end negative reactions and stop self-sabotage

By Gabby DeLorenze on 11th Mar 2020

Who is the gate keeper of your comfort zone? If you were in charge, would you still work a job you hate, hang with friends who treat you poorly or hit snooze only to miss your workout and meditation, again? We are all subconsciously running our lives and making decisions based on past traumas and experiences we’ve been through. We are constantly allowing our comfort zones to determine our futures.

Nothing great ever came from comfort zones. We often stay in safe space with old friends, experiences, jobs, hobbies, etc. that we never step out and take charge of our lives. Homeostasis is the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium. This is why, a doctor will say your heart rate, blood pressure, etc. is normal, high or low. Homeostasis is brought about by a natural resistance to change when you’re already balanced. Yes, this is happening at a cellular level but it’s also happening in your subconscious.

Your subconscious mind sees self-sabotage as self-preservation. It is an easy way to safeguard and defend yourself, so they become habits – usually, without conscious awareness. These habits form during childhood. Yes, they have gotten you to where you are today, but do they still serve you? Are they limiting you to dream bigger, reach desires that feel distant and push you to be the highest version of yourself?

To break out of your patterns you need to disrupt your routines. Think of a moment where you can identify self-sabotage. This could look like spending money on something you were excited about only to feeling guilty later, being told “no” and then throwing yourself a pity party or a friend mentioning how you made them feel and you instantly jumping in defense mode. Judgement free, look at the situation. Were your actions that of reaction or response? Self-sabotage happens in the moment of reaction. So, offer yourself grace, this is how you’ve been able to survive. The new question is, does this reaction still serve you?

Chances are, probably not. So, what next?

Anytime you are feeling a low-vibrational emotion (sad, jealousy, hate, defensive…) pause.

Take a long inhale and exhale. Notice what comes to your mind and what wants to come out of your mouth.

Ask yourself, when has this shown up before? Life lessons will continue to show up with a different cast and characters until the lesson is learned.

Your current beliefs have caused this situation to occur. Ask yourself, “how is this situation serving me and what lessons do I have to learn here?” Own it! And in turn, you’ll start to own your life again.

Respond. You can only control yourself. Are you someone who asks, “why is this happening to me?” The first step in responding is to reframe that statement into “why have I attracted this?”

Remember that someone’s opinion has nothing to do with you. They are reacting from their place of trauma. Be so confident and in love with yourself that nothing can convince you otherwise.

Be your own best friend. Notice how you talk to yourself. Would you allow your friends to talk to you this way?! If the answer is no, apologize to yourself and try again. This is a practice, a bad habit that you can change. Positive self-talk is one of the best forms of self-love.
 You are worthy. Often, our limiting belief patterns teach us that we are not worthy and we self-sabotage by believing we’re not enough or set crazy goals just to get mad at ourselves and “prove ourselves right” that we would fail.

Simple recognition of your reaction patterns is enough. That’s the practice. From there, offer yourself grace and begin to respond. Over time, this will rewire your subconscious mind and begin healthy patterns of response to every situation.

If you’re looking to take the reins of your life into your own hands and reach your highest potential, you have to respond to every situation as the person you’d like to be. And remember to be the person who offers grace and forgiveness. There, you will find the ultimate happiness.


Gabby is a speaker, coach and yoga rehab specialist. After building her yoga and education company, she committed to teaching women do the same through what actually worked: Mindset.

Don’t miss Gabby’s free workshop at the Nashville Summer Wellness Fest on May 3. Click here to claim your free earlybird ticket. 

Cultivating Abundance and Ending Self-Sabotage.
We can all agree that money won’t buy us happiness, so let’s talk about what will. This workshop is designed with women in mind who feel they have lost their authentic voice and have stepped (or fallen) off their path. Whether you’re looking to learn what cultivating abundance looks like in your life or your trying to shed old, self-limiting beliefs, this workshop will teach you how to ground down into yourself, find new self-love and practical ways to step into your highest power and potential. Are you ready to step outside your comfort zones and build the life you’ve always imagined for yourself?

Gabby is a Licensed and Certified Athletic Trainer with a Med in Biomechanics and a Yoga Alliance registered 200E-RYT and YACEP. Gabby is a Yoga Alliance registered 200E-RYT and YACEP. Through mindset coaching and facilitating healing your emotional and physical bodies, Gabby will help you to pave the way to time and financial freedom.

To contact Gabby visit: www.gabbydelorenze.com

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