
Remember when you were young and your parents constantly reminded you to stand up straight, eat your vegetables, and go play outside? Those roles often reverse as the years go by. Now you’re the one trying to persuade your parents to do what’s best for them. Grown children understandably get alarmed when they see once-vigorous parents turning into couch potatoes and subsisting on frozen dinners. If Mom or Dad is already dealing with health, pain, or mobility issues, the need to do something about it feels even more urgent.
The question is, What can be done? Most of us don’t like being told what to do, especially when the self-appointed health “expert” is someone whose nose you used to wipe. Even the most well-meaning advice may be brushed off with statements like, “It’s just my age,” “It doesn’t matter anymore,” or “I’m too set in my ways to change now.”
The idea of getting more exercise is an especially tough sell to a parent who wakes up with aching joints and low energy. The very real psychological hurdles can’t be discounted, either. To an out-of-shape parent, a fitness class or gym can feel like hostile territory.
Here are a few things to try, making sure to keep a light touch. In the long run, gentle reminders will likely be more effective than repeated badgering, which only fuels resistance. And don’t let any hint of judging or shaming creep in!
Emphasize the upside. People who become more active in midlife, or even later, can still reap many benefits in terms of longevity and brain health, even if they haven’t exercised in years. But feeling better and more energetic may be an even more compelling reason for your folks to adopt the exercise habit. You don’t even have to use the “e-word.” It’s not about exercise; it’s about sitting less and moving more. That’s why I titled my book Just Move.
Look for other positive motivators. Perhaps being able to stay in their own home? Keep doing things with family and friends? Play with their grandchildren as they grow? If your parents are the type who prize self-reliance, remind them that being physically functional makes it much easier to stay independent.
Lower the bar. Help your parents set aside any fears of sweat and strain. Researchers confirm that it doesn’t take a big exercise push to yield measurable health benefits. Small bouts of moderate physical activity are just fine if done on a regular basis. You can also remind your parents of things they already do that count as exercise, like climbing stairs, cleaning house, or working in the garden. If they’re at all tech-inclined, gift them with a fitness tracker to boost awareness of how much they’re moving already. It’s surprising how quickly people get hooked on tracking their steps once they start.
Be a role model. When Mom says, “I’m so stiff when I get up, I can hardly move,” that’s your cue to say, “When I feel stiff like that, I do a few simple stretches. Can I show you a couple that have worked well for me? Maybe we can try them together.”
Focus on one step at a time. Forget any thought of a radical lifestyle makeover. The first step is an easy one: go for a walk three or four times a week – it doesn’t matter how far or how fast.
Make it social and fun. Are there physical activities your parents have enjoyed in the past, or might like to try? If, for instance, Mom loved to dance in her youth, she may be willing to try a Zumba class. You can also turn physical activity into a social occasion: “Let’s go for a walk and then I’ll take you to lunch.”
Finally, be sure to manage your own expectations. Your parents may or may not become poster kids for senior fitness anytime soon, but just getting them thinking about the topic is a step in the right direction. Ultimately, whatever they do—or don’t do—for exercise is their choice. You’re not their fitness cop. You’re simply the adult child who loves them and wants them to keep enjoying life for many years to come.
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James P. Owen is an inspirational author and speaker. His latest book is Just Move! A New Approach to Fitness After 50 (National Geographic, 2017), which the Wall Street Journal named one of the year’s best books about healthy aging. He is also the author of Cowboy Ethics. His current project is producing a half-hour documentary film, The Art of Aging Well. He can be reached via his website, justmoveforlife.com, or @justmovebook on Facebook and Twitter.