It’s February, and love is in the air. We’re using this month to discuss healthy relationships, which can be platonic or romantic. Young people can mistake control for love; and as parents, teachers, coaches, mentors and family members, we need to help teach them what a healthy relationship looks like and how to set mutually comfortable boundaries and open communication.
Respect
In healthy relationships, both people hold mutual respect for one another, respecting each other’s individuality and boundaries. This can also mean respecting each other’s likes and dislikes, hobbies, opinions and physical space.
Trust
When you share a secret or emotion with someone, you have a reasonable expectation that it will be kept confidential. If you experience negative consequences as a result of the sharing or someone breaks your trust, you may not be in a healthy relationship. But remember, this works both ways! The Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, is a very important part of healthy relationships and helps build solid, mutual trust.
Boundaries
Deciding ahead of time what your personal boundaries look like can help you determine if they have been breached or not. Teens won’t have the same boundaries with their friends as they do with their doctors, for example. This can be a matter of sharing private information or physical boundaries, like keeping some people at an arm’s length distance. Talk to your teen about cultural differences as well. Not all of their friends will be comfortable with hugs, and that’s okay.
If physical boundaries aren’t something your teen is comfortable discussing, you can remind them to listen for body cues of comfort or discomfort. If someone or something makes them uncomfortable, that little internal voice can be a good signal that something is wrong.
Communication
Now that you’ve discussed what healthy relationships should look like, give your teen tips on how to discuss them. As previously noted, healthy boundaries are best set in advance, so both parties are comfortable and understand limitations. Knowing and saying these limits out loud will help your kids feel comfortable in setting defined expectation. If something seems too mature to discuss, your teen isn’t ready to engage in that act.
Unhealthy Relationships
Unhealthy relationships can present in a variety of ways and are different for everyone. What one person is comfortable with may not be the same for another person. Name-calling, physical and mental abuse, withholding resources, threatening behavior, violence, stalking, assault, bullying, harassment, and monitoring and controlling actions are all signs of an unhealthy relationship or friendship. Help ensure that your child knows they can tell you or another adult if they don’t feel safe or supported.
Brittany Farrar is the regional director of Middle Tennessee programs and Tennessee Specialized Crisis Services for Youth Villages. If your child needs immediate crisis support, counselors are available 24/7. Call 855-CRISIS-1 or text CONNECT to 741741.
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