Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One - Health and Wellness Nashville

Sadhguru–yogi, mystic and the foremost authority on yoga–says when we lose a loved one it is the time to cherish the memories of how they enhanced our life, not to fall into grief and depression.

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of us will face. When we lose a loved one our grief can be intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but we can still be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness or depression. Research shows that most people can recover from loss with their own strength and with the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits.

Sadhguru: When we lose someone who is dear to us – either by death, disease, or desertion – they leave an empty space that they had occupied in our lives. We need to understand the very nature of life is such that you and your loved ones have to die at some point. The only question is who will die first.

This may sound brutal, but that is not the intention. It is very important to come to terms with these things. Otherwise, we will tell ourselves pretty things that will solace us for today, and tomorrow morning reality will torment us again. We will do the same things again and again.

It is important for us to know that we and those around us are not going to be here forever. When we are here, we must show everyone our best face. The problem is only that if a doctor tells you that you are going to die tomorrow, then everyone comes and shows you their best face. If you say, “I’m going to die after fifty years,” most people will not care. But we do not know whether it will be in fifty years or tomorrow. You know you will die and they will die. You just do not know when, so shouldn’t you show your best face to them?

When people dear to us pass away one thing to reflect on is how they enhanced our lives in some way, perhaps in many ways. If people around us have enhanced our lives and we cherish them, we must cherish them joyfully. We should not rue their exit. We should value them for the enhancement they have brought to our lives; for the sweetness and tenderness they may have shared with us. In some way they made you feel complete. Let their memory always bring tears of joy and love to you, not tears of grief.

They mattered to you because in some way, they were wonderful to you. Let the memory of them bring back those wonderful aspects to you, rather than drive you into grief and depression. Driving yourself into grief and depression means you have not come to terms with the most fundamental aspect of life– mortality. Whether they are good or bad, they all will die.

This is not to ridicule your loss. I understand what your deceased loved ones mean to you. But I want you to remember them for all the wonderful things that they were, not for making yourself feel terrible about their exit. If you had died before them, you would have left them in a bad place. Please stand up as a human being.

Whatever wonderful things that happened to you, in some way have to find expression. If they have meant many wonderful things to you, please express that to those who are still living around you. This is how life goes on.

The reality is the piece of life that you are is still there – the accessories are falling off over time. As you age, your grandfather will die, your father will die. Sometimes, your spouse will die. Some people will lose their hair. Some people will even lose their head (this is not a joke). Some people will lose parts of their bodies. Some people will lose relationships. Some people will lose things; power, position, or money.

When life disillusions you, you have two options: sit up and become enlightened or become depressed. If all the illusions go away, this is called self-realization. Right now, you are hanging on to illusions, valuing them and being identified with them so much that you are fighting to keep them. This is maya– it goes on as if it is real, until suddenly, it is gone.

In a way, you always knew it. From the moment you were born, your clock has been ticking, and one day, it will stop. We try to stretch it. We try to slow it down. We try to make best use of the time we have. We try to make it as profound as possible. It is very important that life touches you. If life should touch you on a deeper level, you have to put down the world that you have made up in your mind.