Ask Dr. Lisa: How to Stay Connected When Living with Chronic Pain

Chronic pain affects one in three Americans and is the No. 1 cause of adult disability in the United States, according to the American Chronic Pain Association. The burden of living with it and helping with it can put an enormous strain on even the happiest marriages and strongest relationships. Chronic pain has a ripple effect — not only does it disrupt your life and force you to manage pain, it also changes your personal relationships. Part of pain management involves your accepting of these changes and using them to form better and closer relationships with the ones you love. By learning to better cope, you will be able to manage pain and keep friends and family closer.

Finding strategies and ways to cope with chronic pain are key to staying close to loved ones. Here are a few ways to stay connected:

Balance communication. People in your life need to know how you are feeling. Although staying silent may seem like a good idea this will only make others feel distant from you. But sharing too much can cause loved ones to feel overwhelmed, helpless, or depressed. Try to find the right communication balance for with each person and how you relate to that person in your life.

Take on manageable responsibilities. If you find yourself unable to perform certain chores that were once your responsibility, replace them with new ones you can perform. This keeps you an active and contributing member of your family. Chronic pain, while a great impediment to your quality of life, does not mean you should cease to be active or participate in life to the degree you are able. And ask others for help. Giving your loved ones a chance to help you in some way can make them feel closer to you and doesn’t mean you are weak. Often others want to help but aren’t sure how to offer without fear of offending.

Consider others perspective. It can feel almost impossible to consider others while we are in pain because we are so focused on our own discomfort. But partners of those undergoing chronic pain management face incredible challenges of their own. A spouse may also have to take on more household and parenting responsibilities as the person living with chronic pain becomes less able to function. Financial stress due to medical bills and decreased income can also place additional stress on the relationship.

Discuss your sexuality with your spouse or partner. Intimate relations with a spouse can be difficult, depending on the source and intensity of the pain. Although chronic pain does need to signal an end to intimacy it can mean that more planning is needed. Make plans that fit into medication schedules and daily pain.

Avoid canceling plans with family and friends- and friends—be persistent! People living with chronic pain often withdraw from relationships outside their immediate family, which can lead to distance from other family members and friends. Don’t let chronic pain keep you from interacting with friends. Canceling plans can be disappointing for all concerned, so if you can manage some level of activity with your pain, you should. If you are a friend of someone in chronic pain realize that your attempts to get together may be rejected if the person is experiencing a pain flare-up or has suffered a decrease in self-esteem as a result of the illness. Patience and persistence is a key element in keeping these important relationships.

Although there is no cure for chronic pain there are ways of managing symptoms so that relationships are more fulfilling. If you or someone you know need help with managing chronic pain or the impacts pain is having on important relationships contact:

Dr. Lisa Webb or Dr. Kenith Robins at Body & Mind Consulting Associates Group at 615.310.1491. Also look for Dr. Webb’s upcoming book to be released in October 2018 entitled The Executive Marriage Solution: Transforming Boardroom Success into Bedroom Bliss.